What happened

In my first attempt at college education, I dropped out because I was disgusted that I was being taught what Buddhism was by explaining to me why Buddhism was nonsense from Calvinist Protestant Christian perspective. From my own Christian perspective at the time, I could not understand how I could have a functional conversation with a Buddhist if that was my basis for understanding what a Buddhist was likely to experience, understand, and believe. How could I talk to them about Christ without understanding what they believed?

At that point my atheism was a certainty, but it took painful and difficult years to take it’s course through my mind and biology, and cost me the best years of my life when I should have been learning something useful like quantum physics. I resent Christianity for what it cost me, still costs me, and all without any attempt at comprehension. I hate it more than anything else because it wasted the most important developmental years of my life and then proclaimed me a doomed failure because I couldn’t honestly agree to any of it.

My poor parents are so self-righteous and ignorant they still don’t understand what happened. They still try to shove Christianity at me with confidence and ignorance, even though I’m allergic and react violently. I’m allergic to peanuts, and have an anaphylactic reaction. It’s like they’re trying to slip me peanuts every time we try to connect on a meaningful level. There’s no point, I vomit and choke and feel like I’m dying.